Kinkyho iz teh suxors
by Clear Free-Flowing Liquid
Summary: A fawfulclone's house of fun fic. What happens when the world's most blatant Kikyou hater tries to write a story with Kikyou over his shoulder? Not reccommended for Kikyou haters. Or haters of any kind.


Kinky-ho iz teh suxors: Chapter 1

By: Kiki O. Hatar

**Welcome to the first ever Fawfulclone's House of Fun Fiction. The concept of Fawfulclone's House is unique: It is a fictional house where the entire Inuyasha cast lives, along with my two comedic personas, Kiki O. Hatar and K.A. Gomesucks. Both are women, though I am a man. Looking at it, it seems only natural that you, the Inuyasha fanbase, get to witness my final descent into insanity, as it is spilled out on these pages. The stories Kiki writes are oneshots, but there is a continuum to the goings on between Kiki and Kikyou. Anything in bold is from me, the genuine Fawfulclone. Anything in regular print is from Kiki and anything in italics is from Kikyou. I also apologize if Kikyou seems a little OOC. I think that this is the event that finally makes her snap.**

It was a beautiful day, the trees were swaying in a gentle breeze, the flowers were in bloom and the birds were singing. This would all change soon, however, as Kikyou was around. She stepped out of the cave she was sleeping in—

_What's that supposed to mean?_

Shut up. She stepped out of her cave and aimed her arrow at a random bird, sitting there minding it's own business. Then, with great glee, she shot it dead.

_I would never shoot an innocent bird! That would be so cruel. Why would you say a thing like that?_

LIES! I know the real you.

_How? This is the first time we've ever met._

Other people get fooled by your act, but I know you're really evil.

_I can see this is going nowhere. Get on with your "story"._

Fine, you evil zombie. She made sure she didn't shoot the bird in the heart, but rather just near it, so that she could watch it bleed to death. She laughed at it's suffering, then turned and moved on. Today, she was going to do what she did every day, try to kill Inuyasha.

_First of all, who do you think you are, Pinky and the Brain? Second, I tried to kill Inuyasha once. And I asked him first. At least have the decency to keep some form of reality in this._

"Where oh where could Inuyasha be today?" Kikyou thought out loud, "He's probably doing some heroic deed. Well, he won't be doing any more of those after I kill him. And I don't care."

_It's bad enough that you have to portray me as the villain I'm not, but do you have to make me so superhero comic book villain evil?_

Stop denying your true self.

_Once again, what gives you the authority to say you know me? Ten minutes ago, we were both introduced in a room with this computer and told to do this story. All you've seen are the same moments of my life that the entire world has seen through a television screen, yet you claim to be the only one to know the "real me". Apparently, even my freaking fiancé doesn't know me, yet somehow you do._

Having a little anger problem, are we?

_Having a little dumb-as-a-bag-of-crap problem, are we?_

Shut up. This is my story, and I'm going to tell it.

_Fine, but if you say anything stupid, I'm going to call you on it._

I haven't said anything stupid yet. Readers, at this moment Kikyou has gotten up to leave because she can't keep up with me.

_Don't flatter yourself, I'm going to bang my head on a wall._

So then you admit you have self-mutilation issues.

_Why not. If it's what you want to hear, fine. I, Kikyou, have self-mutilation issues._

There! She admitted it.

_Fawfulclone, do something about this idiot._

**Sorry, I just produce these fics, I don't write them.**

_But she's your creation!_

**Sorry, there's nothing I can do.**

Anyways, getting on with my story, which is entirely accurate, Kikyou set out to find Inuyasha. She told her soul-collectors to go find him and tell her where he was. While she waited, Kikyou shot at a squirrel with her arrows. She never hit it once, because she was such a bad aim.

_Wait, before I had good enough aim to shoot a tiny little bird in the exact spot I wanted, but now I can't hit a squirrel?_

I never said it was a big bird. It could have been a heron or something.

_I think you would have specified if it was anything large._

It must have slipped my mind.

_I think you're just altering the story as you go along._

No, I swear I just forgot to write it. Anyways, three hours later, her soul-collectors arrived. They had no news, but they did have a soul. "I love stealing these souls. The fact that an innocent woman suffered makes it even more enjoyable for me," Kikyou said to herself.

_I don't enjoy stealing souls! I regret it. I've expressed that several times._

I know you enjoy it. I've been to Kikyou Haters.

**For those of you readers who don't know what Kikyou Haters is, it's an MSN group devoted to, obviously, hating Kikyou.**

_Wait, you actually trust a propaganda site devoted to hating me to provide you with unbiased information?_

Haven't you ever been there?

_Yes, I've also been to Kagome Haters—_

Because you hate Kagome?

_No. I bear mild feelings of resentment towards Kagome, but I do not hate her._

Yes you do! You're jealous that Inuyasha picked her over you.

_I already told Inuyasha that it was over between us. There was no decision to make._

But if there was, you know he'd pick her, because she's beautiful and nice and strong and you're ugly and mean and weak.

A_t least we agree on half of something._

**Enough pointless bickering! Get on with the flipping story!**

Sorry. Anyways, Kikyou sent the soul-collectors back out to find Inuyasha. While she was sitting there all alone, a man came into her field of view. Instantly, Kikyou flung herself at him and said, "Make love to me!" because she was such a huge slut.

_When have I ever shown any signs of being promiscuous?_

Just there.

_You wrote that story. I never really did that._

Well you are a huge whore. Don't deny it.

_What's the point?_

Now, getting on, after she made really crappy whoopee with this guy, she killed him because she thought it would be fun.

_I'm not even going to object. It's just pointless._

She sat around waiting for her soul-collectors to return. After three hours without news, she decided to find something to eat. She didn't need to eat, but she'd gone three hours without killing something, and the urge was taking over. She found a small family of rabbits, including seven tiny newborns. She pulled out a dull, rusty knife and killed them all, slowly and painfully.

_You readers don't actually believe this lunatic, do you?_

I speak only the truth. After she was done killing the rabbits and eating them just for fun, she saw her soul-collectors beginning to return. Three of them had souls, which she internalized with ecstasy, one of them had news of Inuyasha's whereabouts.

_Finally! Now this pointless piece of crap can be over with._

Inuyasha was engaged in a life-or-death struggle with a snake demon who was terrorizing a village. They had been waging war for three hours now, and the snake demon was showing signs of fatigue. Inuyasha, on the other hand, was feeling fine. The snake demon lunged forward, fangs bared, and Inuyasha took this opening. He raised the Tetsusaiga above his head and called for the wind scar. The blast ripped into the demon and ripped his flesh to shreds. Glancing at the bits of flesh falling all around him, Inuyasha wondered how it had ever taken longer than a few minutes to kill such a weak demon. The answer was clear, the demon hadn't been tired enough to leave himself open so much. Either way, it was a good workout.

_That wasn't nearly as bad as the rest of this story._

Thank you. I mean, you're freaking right. It was the greatest battle scene ever written!

_I wouldn't go nearly that far._

Anyways, back to the story.

_Are you trying to make that a catchphrase?_

No, not really. So, where was I? Oh yes, Kagome came over to congratulate Inuyasha on such a stunning victory. She ran over to him in all her beauty and—

_Is someone paying you to say that?_

No, why?

_Nothing, it just seemed like a reasonable explanation._

So, just as Kagome was about to open her mouth, an arrow flew by her and pierced the bow on her school uniform. She looked in the direction that the arrow was coming from and saw the form of concentrated evil that was Kikyou. "Inuyasha, join me in Hell!" she ranted like a madwoman.

"Never, you ugly trashbag ho," came Inuyasha's response.

**The attorneys of Chris Jericho have asked me to tell you to refrain from using that phrase in the future.**

Sorry. Inuyasha and Kagome charged at Kikyou, their eyes full of rage. She fired arrows at them, but it was in vain. Once Inuyasha got to her, he grabbed her by the arms and held her back. "Kagome, you do the honours," he said looking at Kagome.

Kikyou looked around and saw Kaede—

_Who just happened to be passing through at that exact moment?_

Yes. Kikyou looked around and saw Kaede. "Help me Sister!" she exclaimed in a vain attempt to save her own life.

"Not in a million years," said Kaede, who had no love for her stupid sister.

_What are you talking about? I love my sister and she loves me! We went out clubbing together with Kagome last night._

There you have it, folks, Kikyou clubs baby seals!

_We went to night clubs, you incessantly silly person._

Potato potahto.

_So then you're saying that Kagome clubs baby seals too?_

Yes. I mean no. I mean… no, she must have gone to night clubs with Kaede while you clubbed baby seals.

_Are you trying to tell me that you're a higher authority on something I did that you didn't see than I am?_

Of course, I wouldn't put it past you to lie about something like that. Back to the story: Kikyou looked up and saw Kagome readying her bow and aiming it at Kikyou's forehead. Kikyou began to cry like a little baby, but it was no use.

_I've died twice. I didn't cry either time._

Shut up. Kagome aimed her arrow at Kikyou's forehead and released. The bow hit dead on and Kikyou's head split like a melon. Her brain splattered all over the ground and the blood poured freely.

_I'd mention that I don't bleed, but I'll let you have your delusional little fantasies just this one time._

Good choice. Kagome and Inuyasha stood over the body of the fallen evil miko and laughed. Laughed a good hearty laugh of joy until they couldn't breathe, then they just gasped and laughed some more. Sango and Miroku laughed too. Shippo laughed too. Even Kaede had to join in, it was all just so fantastic. Even Kirara let out a bizarre sort of feline laugh. It was a celebration. Kikyou was finally gone for good. Everyone was happy and everyone had won. Except for Kikyou.

_And the reader._

You shut up!

**Let's leave these two to their fighting. I don't know about you guys, but I've never seen Kikyou so upset. If you do review this story, be sure to clarify who you're addressing it to: Kiki, Kikyou or myself. All three of us are happy to take them. Until the next story, This is Fawfulclone, **Kiki O. Hatar _and Kikyou _**all signing off.**


End file.
